Sunday, October 25, 2009

oh my

Today was uneventful. i mean i went to church, sang and that was pretty much it. i couldnt sleep due to the fact of my knees on fire( expression) and i feel super old. i have back problems and knee problems and i lose my memory more times than my actual grandmother. hehe. well ne ways having a hard time with hw right now. all the topics are kind of hard to fufill but i'm trying! gotta pass!!!!!! that's all for today..see you tomorrow

Friday, October 23, 2009

hey hey hey

Went to Ape and had a blasty blast. but hey i do alot of these news casting for my major here in college if you want to see more. go to my You Tube site.

Well nothing really new. Just doing hw i miss home alot and i feel so weird in my classes. i feel like i'm not up to their standards and everyone is ten times sucks...well i'm just gunna keep trucking. Hoping i'm doing the right thing.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Image reflection

I had to pick a picture and reflect on it and i picked this one since its always staring at me in the face..i wrote this at 3 in the morning for my 12:00 class the next day and well it made the class cry and my teacher speechless.

Prisoner of Love

By Alexis McLeod

Boy meets girl. They become friends then find out they like each other. Then fall in love. Date for a while. Get married and have kids. Grow old and die together. Typical romantic structure right? Not for me, just not this time. No one can get their fairy-tale ending. Still, the way he looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes that when the sunlight hit them just right, it could light up a room. His smile can make any gray cloud zoom away any time, any day. When I am close, I forget to breath and my heart beats like a humming birds wings. His voice as he says good night or I love you, sends a tingling sensation from the top of my neck down to my little toes. The way he sleeps on my lap after a long day and I can feel his chest moving up and down as he inhales and exhales. It makes me feel so comfortable. How I fit so perfectly into his arms every time he holds me and I never want him to let go. And no matter what we are doing I can’t help but smile. When he’s close to me…my heart is so warm, like the sun on a spring afternoon.

You may look at this picture and agree with all of the things I just said. But my smile has become a frown. His eyes full that were full of happiness has be come full of anger like a bull about to charge. The arms around me that once held me so close, becomes pointing and waving in the air frantically. His words of I love you and good night become, you never have time and, you just don’t get it. When he does get close my heart does beat fast but for a reason uncertain at this point. The tingling sensation becomes a heat of rage surging all over. My heart that was once warm now feels cold like a long and snowy winter. And the smiles…have turned into frowns, completely expression less. I look at this picture now after 5 years of togetherness; will stay forever in this picture like a prison in a frame. I will forever hold it close; because it is the only way I can ever see your face everyday…

Monday, October 19, 2009


I love the rain! its raining to today and all i could think about is running around or dancing in the rain. then wanting to kiss Kris in the rain. I dunno why? i mean i know we aren't together but at the same time i want him to be here to hold me and feel our bodies close. so close i can feel his heart beat faster when he inhales. it drives me crazy. i think i just need someone to love me and cuddle with. that's what it feels like now a days since he's not here....ugh

Friday, October 16, 2009


lately been feeling pretty fucking small with my dorm mates and all my friends being soo good at drawing and at their major. Just feel like why am i here i mean i want to be soo good sometimes but i feel like i should be here to show everyone that i can be the best and rock at it. but then again its like what am i doing here..can i really make it? I dunno and the fact that i want to be with the guy i liked for 5 years but he cant change for me but then like this guy who doesnt even notice my feelings and if i do tell him it will change everything. I cant sleep b/c of all this confusion and all this...this crap! i dunno i hate it..i wish i can jus solve everything in a instant. but sadly i cant......FML